Stephen King wrote once that God punishes us for what we can’t imagine. There is truth there. Yet the opposite is also, always a possibility. This is why life is so interesting.
God also amazes us with what we can’t imagine.
At 5:43pm eight years ago today, this happened to me when into my life came the girl.
Birthdays are hard on me. Not mine. I couldn’t care less about those. But the kids’ birthdays always kick me in the heart. There, as Croce sang, never seems to be enough time.
Life is a constant sprint. Running to the kitchen making sure that the strange smell coming out of the toaster isn’t dangerous. Racing to school. Speeding past the cop to get to ballet. Screaming down the hallway as I hear water splashing on the floor next to the tub. Our lives together are together. I think I’m getting at least that much right, but our lives are fast. And that breaks my heart.
I’m terrified, especially on birthdays, that I’m losing her a little more every day.
She’s flying past me as I try to grab hold of a moment. A moment where I can make the world better with just a raspberry on a belly. Just one moment where I can stop and hold my baby girl in my arms. Just a few more moments where she’s playing dress-up rather than actually getting dressed up.
[to go out and away]
But again, my imagination fails and God steps in to amaze. For every moment I spend wishing for her to remain my baby, I’m amazed by the beautiful, loving, funny girl that she has become. I’m stunned by her intelligence, shocked by her wisdom, surprised by her beauty.
I’m amazed, constantly amazed, that I get to spend my life watching her grow, helping her grow, pushing her to grow even though I don’t want her to, into such a caring young woman who is starting to seek out her own path in this world.
And for that, there might just be world enough, and time.
Happy Birthday, my sweet little girl. I love you.