Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in my life. I wouldn’t be the man that I am today without you. But as much as I love each of you, this one goes out to my mom, Evelyn.

Mom and the baby girl feeding fish.

Narrowing down all that you have taught me in our short time together is nearly impossible, mom. You taught me to climb trees. You taught me to make homemade biscuits (but mine were never very good). You taught me to pick up after myself (which, I still only do when you’re coming to town, by the way). You taught me to say thank you to everyone who does anything for me. Ever.

So coming up with just one thing, one best thing, that I learned from you mom is hard, but I think I’ve managed to narrow it down to at least two.

It’s funny that most of what we learn from our parents, we learn when they’re not trying to teach us anything at all. We learn it when we’re all just going about our business, dealing with our feeble attempts to just make it to the end of the day. (This is something that I try to remember with my own kids, but I usually screw it up.)

But since this is true, then the best thing I ever learned from my mom, I think I learned when we were all working together in The Sandwich Shop in the Mall.

For about six years or so (I can’t remember exactly; it was many miles ago) while I was in high school and college, mom and dad owned The Sandwich Shop in the Statesboro Mall. It was here that I think I learned my most important lessons from her during the times when she was too busy to actually try and teach me anything at all.

If you’ve ever owned a family business, you know that the vacations, holidays, and even just days off are far too rare. So you adjust to schedule, and push through. This was how we operated at the Sandwich Shop. Working until we could pull the gate closed at 9 when the mall closed, rushing home to make the chess squares for the next day, dragging in before opening the next morning to make the salads.

Food service, in other words. It was hard, but somehow, Mom, you always found a way to uncover the joy in making sandwiches, chili, salads, and of course, sweet tea.

And so the best thing I ever learned from you mom was two fold. First, you should always find a way to love the work you have to do. This, maybe more than anything else, has served me well as I also worked in jobs that weren’t always my first choice. Because of your leadership, I still found a way to love doing sleeve jobs on tuxes before prom, calling doctors about jobs in a telemarketing firm, selling software, staying up all night at children and youth lock-ins, struggling to meet a deadline for a grant, and grading endless stacks of 101 portfolios. If you could find joy in slicing tomatoes every morning, I can find it in a well-written sentence.

But the second thing that you taught me as we served food together was that a life of service to others is a life worth living. And that, Mommy, is the best thing you ever taught me. (So far.)

Happy Mother’s Day. I love you.

The post The Best Things Mom Taught Me appeared first on Geek Palaver.

“Always recognize that human individuals are ends, and do not use them as means to your end.”

—Immanuel Kant.

Sometimes it’s important to take a step back especially when you feel yourself approaching an abyss of fear, uncertainty and doubt. It’s important to ask questions. To review what has happened. To ask, could it actually be a good thing, a fair thing, for my child?

Immanuel Kant says, “Live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law.” This means that when I’m deciding on a course of action, I should ask myself, “Would I be willing to live in a world where everyone did what I’m about to do?”

For myself, yes, I am completely willing to live in a world where everyone stood up for the best interests of their children. I am completely willing to live in a world where everyone spoke for those who cannot speak for themselves.

But do I have reason to believe that the Huntsville City Schools Central Office, Mrs. Amy Sledge, Dr. Ann Roy Moore, and the Board of Education are acting in such a way that the principle of their action could be a law for the whole world? To answer that question, we need to review their actions over the past few weeks.

On March 17, 2011 a “rumor” leaked that the Central Office was planning to place autism students in Huntsville City Schools at the Academy for Academics and Arts.

Parents showed up to the School Board meeting that night to ask about this rumor, and to implore the Board to not take this action. This is an act of segregation and parents, looking out for the best interests of their children, oppose it. Segregation is wrong because it robs our community of the diversity that it needs to survive. Inclusion is crucial for all children because all children have special needs.

This is segregation; this is not fair.

At the board meeting that night, parents were told, it’s just a rumor. There is no “plan.” Dr. Moore claimed of the rumors, “I think this may have been carried a little bit to an extreme. Right now it’s just discussion on how to give the best services to our students that is possible.”

Parents received assurances that no plan will be implemented without the discussion and approval of the Board.

Beginning the following week, parents began attending their children’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings for next year. Numerous parents have been told that their children will be moved to a new school next year. For many of us, this follows moves in previous years. Moves that have had a negative impact on our children’s progress. As it often will take months of adjustment to adapt to their new settings, for many of our kids nine months of education turns into only seven, if we’re lucky.

Thus, the “plan” is being implemented without the public discussion or public approval of the board.

This is not fair.

On Wednesday, April 6, 2011, parents asked to meet with Mrs. Amy Sledge, the director of Special Education, to discuss, “the plan,” the moves, and the rumors. Rather than coming to the meeting with the plan in hand to share with us and discuss with us, she showed up sharing a general outline of a plan and claiming that she doesn’t want to publish a plan on the HCS website because parents would then “take that plan to Montgomery to complain that the central office is forcing kids to move.”

She claimed that she would return to her office on Thursday morning, write the plan down and share it with parents. To date, no plan has been shared with parents.

On Thursday, April 7th, parents attended the Board Meeting and heard Mr. Blair ask Dr. Moore if the Board could seeing the plan in writing. Dr. Moore responded that the “plan” was still in development and that it did not make sense to share the plan with the board until it was completed. Evidently, presenting an incomplete plan is wrong, but implementing an incomplete plan makes perfect sense.

This is not fair.

So, where does that leave parents? Is it possible that the “plan” could be good for our children? The clearest answer to that question is that Mrs. Sledge, Dr. Moore, the Central Office, and perhaps the Board appear to believe that the plan is not good for our children; otherwise, they would have no objection to sharing it with parents in writing and seeking their input.

Since they don’t trust their own plan (even though they are legally required under the IEP to involve parents in their child’s education plan), parents of special needs children have no reason to believe that this “plan” is good for their children.

We have no reason to believe that it is fair.

We have made extensive attempts to connect with, to work with, to aid Huntsville City Schools in the process of educating our children. We are not seeking special treatment. We are not simply look out for the needs of our own children. We are simply insisting that the central office, Mrs. Sledge and Dr. Moore, follow the law and discuss public plans for our school system with the public.

We are seeking fairness: nothing more.

This is a reasonable request. We are seeking to be involved in our children’s education, and we’re being turned away empty handed. We are being mocked. We are being accused of obstruction. We have no reason to trust that they are looking out for the best interests of the children.

This is why we are standing up and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

We need you to stand with us because we’re fighting for the fair treatment of your children, too.

The post Speaking For Those Who Cannot: A Review of Huntsville City Schools Actions Toward Students appeared first on Geek Palaver.

Going . . .

I never wanted to become Polonius: spouting off advice to Laertes and Ophelia when all they wanted was to receive his blessing so they could leave. All I can say is that it started as sort of a joke, but I’ve since realized that it’s much more than a joke to my little girl. And it’s much more than that to me.

Every morning I have the distinct honor of taking my children to school. It’s a blessing that, despite having to circumnavigate two school’s car lines, I would never give up. It gives me just a little more time with both of them in the morning to remind them that I love them and to remind me that there are far more important things in life than papers to grade and bills to pay. Other than tucking them in at night, it is my favorite time of the day. Strange what having kids will do to you; I used to hate the morning commute.

Anyway, each morning I drop the girl off about a block away from school so she can walk in. She LOVES doing this, and it gives me a few more stolen seconds to hug and watch her grow.

And it breaks my heart fresh each morning when she turns to walk away. It’s the reverse of all those stupid car commercials that show the dad talking to a five-year old as she waits, somewhat patiently, behind the wheel for the keys so she can go out. When my girl turns away and starts walking, my seven-year old is suddenly seventeen, complete with a toss of her hair over her shoulder. And I’m left wondering where the time went. (Yep, I was once told by my college Drama professor that if he were to do a production of Hamlet that he would have to cast me in the lead. I was the definition of melancholy. At the time, I took it as a compliment rather than a curse. Strange kid was I.)

Anyway, back to Polonius. I decided one morning to offer my Ophelia (minus the insanity, that is) a bit of advice as she walked away in hopes that she would wait a little longer to turn her back on me and transform into a teenager that I’m having trouble connecting with. As she walked backwards away from me, I looked her in the eye and said, “Learn everything you can.” To which she replied, “Okay.”

Not wanting her to turn, I added, “Have fun!” As she takes another step away from me, she shouts with a grin, “Okay!”

Desperate to keep her eyes on mine a little longer, I reminder her to “tell Mrs. Wrenn thank you and give her BIG HUGS (thank you teletubbies!).” She’s so far down the sidewalk now that she has to shout, “Okay, dad!”

going . . .

“Be nice to your friends!” “Okay.”

“Be nicer to your not so friends!” “I will.”

Knowing now that I’ve got to cut the strings or I’ll be crying all the way to drop off the boy, I shout (to the great pleasure of those sleeping in the house we’re parked in front of I’m sure), “Always remember that I’m proud of you, and I love you!”

At this, she grins, and I die a little inside cause I know she’s about to turn, but before she does, she shouts, “I love you, too, Dad!”

And with that I climb back into the car with tears rolling down my cheeks anyway.

“Be nicer to your not so friends.” I came up with that, as with most things by my seat-pants flying, but other than our “I love yous,” I think it may be the most important of my proverbs. Yeah, I totally stole it from the Gospel of Matthew, but that’s okay, I always did think that Picasso was right about stealing. It’s the one thing that I try to remember myself through the day. And it’s the one thing that I forget the quickest. My memory really sucks.

Be nicer to your not so friends. If we love our children and our friends, what credit is that to us? Doesn’t everyone do the same? The truth is that if we really want to make the world a better place for our kids (and we do), then we’ve got to step up to the bullies and be nicer. We’ve got to step up to the despots and be nicer. We’ve got to reach across the aisle and be nicer. We’ve got to hold our arms open wide in one of my daughter’s patented “air hugs” and be nicer to those whom we don’t like, we don’t love, we can’t stand the sight of, we think even God hates.

We’ve got to be nicer to our not so friends in this world because it’s the only way that we’ll survive to see our little girls grow up into beautiful young women ready to change the world with their dreams. We have got to be nicer to the world.

To that young woman, my daughter, I have only this to add: No matter what people try to tell you, love will change the world.

And always remember that I’m proud to be your daddy.

. . .

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I read this story at AL.com and, while I’m not surprised, it really upset me.  It is just another example of the state demanding access to the most private aspects of our lives.

Rep. DuWayne Bridges, R

While I encourage you to go read the story for yourself, the gist of the story is pretty straight forward. It seems Alabama State Representative DuWayne Bridges, R-Valley, wants to pass a law to stop State Universities from offering domestic partnership to same-sex couples.  Bridges has a new bill ready to introduce in the January session of the state legislature.

It seems that what upsets him is that two state schools have either already offered such benefits or plan to very soon.  UAB already has the plan in place, allowing them to compete for highly qualified medical professionals and UAH plans to institute benefits for same sex domestic partnerships in January.  The UAB plan began on October 1, so both schools recently adopted the idea.  (An idea I applaud and wish all the state schools offered.)

To make matters “worse” for Bridges, the UA President Robert Witt told faculty that UA is considering doing the same.  I guess the only “good” school for Bridges is Auburn, which at this time has not considered it.  (Shame on you, War Eagle!)

Rep. Patricia Todd, D

Of course our Republican Governor, Bob Riley, supports the Bridges Bill, as does Republican gubernatorial candidate Tim James.  Which makes my pickings for governor slim.  I could only find media reports of one legislator, Representative Patricia Todd, D-Birmingham, who openly opposes the bill.  I’m sure the fact that Todd is self described as “Alabama’s first openly gay legislator” has no effect on her position.

Okay, yes.  That last bit was snarky.  But I’m tired of the only people willing to take a stand for equal rights in this state are the people suffering under unequal laws.  I don’t mean to disparage Todd, I’m glad she’s opposed.  But I, for one, am throwing my straight, married opinion into the fray and saying Bridges is wrong for doing this.  I don’t know what set Bridges off, but if he’d kept quiet, there would have been little outcry over this.  The Universities could have quietly done the right thing and no one would have been upset.

I’m probably being hard on Todd over his actions.  Realistically if Todd hadn’t done it, a Roy Moore or other bible toting politician would have grabbed the headlines come election time.  But I’m tired of moralistic politicians trying to legislate what’s acceptable in people’s private lives, for make no mistake;  this isn’t about benefits, this is purely anti-gay bigotry.

Needless to say, I’ll be watching this.  I’m disappointed and upset that such a move would come, but can’t say I’m surprised seeing Alabama passed an amendment in 2006 to ban same sex marriage.  And while it would be easy to point a finger and cry “Dirty Republicans,” as I’m sure some will, an amendment like that didn’t pass without plenty of Democrats supporting it.  And Bridges bill won’t pass without significant Democratic support.  And frankly, I think it will pass.  And clearly, Riley will sign it.

I honestly don’t think there is a chance the bill will be stopped except through committee action that keeps it from getting a vote.  I’m convinced that if the bill reaches the floor, it will pass.  The same way other moralistic bills continually get passed in this state.  It isn’t the fault of any one party, but of an ignorant population of citizens who think any bill that keeps “others” from enjoying their lives somehow improves their own.

It is a sad state of affairs in Alabama.  I, for one, am depressed over my state’s actions.  And after passing the “Craft Beer” act, I had hope that perhaps Alabama was progressing into a new age of acceptance.  It is sad to learn I was wrong.

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