God Speaks!

A good friend of mine in Chicago posted an excellent article about God speaking to us in unusual and unlikely ways. In this case, Brian makes some good points about this likely not coming from God himself/herself/itself.  Brian, God bless him, is a devout Catholic, so his point of view is a bit different than my own liberal baptist, but I have to agree with him on this one.

Seems the Joilet Jackhammer’s minor league baseball team wants to get a celebrity spokesperson of the highest order, and inked a deal with the Lord to support the team.  I don’t know the specifics of the contract, but apparently the deal, as reported by the Chicago Tribune, includes a a tithe of 10% to the church (or charity of the customer’s choice) for every ticket sold in December.

Now the campaign seems to be successful.  They are nearly double their normal December season ticket sales.  But on the whole, I think the campaign is in poor taste.  I guess it just goes to show you that there really is no such thing a bad publicity.

But it does make me wonder, if God was to really ink a deal with an advertiser, who would it be?  It’s a fun exercise in ethical and moral thinking that is, of course, meaningless and therefore perfect fodder for Geek Palaver.

I’m sure Mr. Ed and Russ will have vastly different opinions on the matter than my own.  After all I’m the token pro-business conservative on the site.  So in the interest of what will hopefully be an exciting discussion, here’s my top ten (we love top tens here at Geek Palaver) ad deals God is most likely to sign.

  1. Jack Daniel’s Distillary – I hesitated to put this one at the top, but I think it really would be right up there at the top of the list.  After all, the good book says to Eat, Drink and be Merry and a bit of Jack’s finest would help that along.  My concern is that Jack isn’t owned by the Daniel’s anymore, so God may balk at signing with an international megacorp like Brown-Forman.  But I don’t know much about that company, so I’m going to pretend they are good people and God would give them the endorsement.
  2. Five Guys Burgers and Fries – Again, eat drink and all that jazz…  but its more than that.  It’s a successful family business, started to put kids through college.  But they surpassed their father, took over the business and turned it into a national sensation.  And they make good fries.  I have to think God likes good fries.
  3. Samual Adams Brewery – See a theme yet?  Good beer, available pricing for the masses…  If not Sam Adams, then some other fine craft brewery.
  4. Hebrew National Hot Dogs – Do I really need to explain this one?
  5. Apple, Inc. – Secretly, I think God owns a part of Apple.  No other megacorp could pull off near obscurity to national prominence the way Apple has.  If God’s not involved, then the competition is.  But I tend to think the competition is in bed with Microsoft.
  6. Tesla Motors – Look, the company needs the endorsement.  They make eco-friendly electric cars.  One is a sports car.  It’s hyper-fast AND green?  Has God’s name written all over it.
  7. Mike Rowe – Dirty Jobs AND the voice of Deadliest Catch?  Mike Rowe is awesome.  And has the second best voice in the business.  Next to God himself, which I have on great authority sounds just like James Earl Jones.
  8. The Roman Catholic Church – No, not so much for what it is NOW, but for what it is in people’s hearts and minds.  At least, the faithful’s hearts and minds.  And I think the deal would obligate some radical changes in the church, much needed changes.  (Sorry Brian)
  9. Trojan Condoms – I said there would be changes in the church, didn’t I?  Well, here’s one.  Plus, the widespread availability of condoms is one of the single greatest combatants in the war on poverty, overpopulation and human misery.  Read Chuck Yeager’s autobiography for an example.
  10. GeekPalaver.com – Cause yea, I’m that modest.  I put it last, see?

A geek, a freak, and a force of nature, I'm everything and nothing all at once. I'm your worst nightmare and your most insignificant thought.

1 Comment

  1. OK, I’m not sure I can think of 10; not sure I can remember the few I did think up, but here goes….

    in off the top of my head order….

    1. Hershey’s Chocolate. I figure He’s got to endorse chocolate. Hershey’s is not the most elegant product, but it’s American made, uses real sugar, and is trying to improve the community it supports.

    2. Newman’s Own. Paul Newman had feet of clay like everyone else, but he did try to live as he believed. And he also believed in enjoying life & giving back. Along the argument that God endorses our enjoyment of food & nourishment, this is some good stuff. (And 5GBaF was already taken.)

    3. Duck Tape. Need I elaborate?

    4. Scholastic Book Club. Don’t we all have great memories of ordering our cheap books at school & waiting for them to arrive? And then being given permission to goof-off & read in class when they did arrive? Still good books that encourage reading & good consumer practices in kids, and the books cover just about every subject you could discuss with a child. AND they have programs in place to help get more books into classrooms & into the hands of kids who might not get books.

    5. Prozac. Until these serotonin re-uptake inhibitors arrived, depression & its many cousins were treated by strong chemicals that had detrimental side-effects. Now, generations have found their grounding again & feel normal.

    hmm..5.. need more…

    6. Guidepost Magazine. It’s mushy feel-good stuff, it offers good advice for living, and you don’t necessarily have to be Christian to get that we need to look out for each other, and that there is something bigger than each of us that does bring us together and gives us hope.

    7. Breasts. It’s a generic product, but I’ve got a working set, and I’m still amazed by what they’ve given to my kids. They’ve prospered our race (and likewise all other mammals), and they are the standard by which all nutrition is measured. So many comforting metaphors have been inspired by them. Even Jesus needed them.

    8. Fill-in-the-blank-with-your-favorite-scientist. Many scientists hold a religious belief (not all, but many), and their research & expansion of our knowledge of “the world” often enhances the “WOW” factor of the idea that there’s something out there, and it ain’t UFOs. For me, it was Carl Sagan & his Cosmos series that came out when I was in JrHigh. I’ve never been able to keep my science & my faith separate since, and trust me, I don’t believe the world is flat.

    9. Salvation Army. I’m Roman Catholic, but I have a lot of respect for what they do as a denomination and what they do as outreach for the marginalized. It only all of us could march to that drummer.

    10. You (and me.) Most of all, I think God would endorse each of us. He loves us. He hates our sins, but He loves us. He loves each of us with a passion like we are each His only child. He’s God– He can love us in ways we can never approach. And since He wants only what’s best for each of us, He’d buy us each a billboard to let everyone know how much we’re loved.

    Found ten. I’m off to get my own 2 beloved kids to bed.

    Merry & blessed Christmas to all, and may you find peace & joy in the new year.

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